ANOTHER DAY

Last week was rough. We started principle photography on our film for film class on Wednesday. I am the director of photography which means I work with the director on deciding what the film will look like visually. Then I get with the gaffer, who is in charge of lighting, and work with him on the technical side of making the vision happen.

We started in the early afternoon on Wednesday. We had a professional actor named Jerome Bethea come out to be in our little movie. He will be playing a supporting role, his character's name is 'Mosh.' We went out to our first location which also happens to be our second largest. Our largest being a soccer field with a full game being played. From there I blocked the action with our lead characters and Mosh. This is our big paintball scene.

We took a break and got back together at around nine o'clock. We started shooting right away in a downstairs apartment. This was an emotional scene. It sent chills down my spine seeing a scene which I had written weeks prior being played out in front of lights, camera, sound, crew, and directors. We wrapped that day and went straight to bed after a few hours of filming that night.

The next day we got up bright and early. We went back to the apartment to begin filming another scene which also takes place in the apartment. This shot was fun, the atmosphere on set was laid back and optomistic.

We took a break for lunch and returned to the paintball location.

Once we got it all blocked out we started setting up the shots which the director and I had already decided on during a location scout and blocking trip. We got out the boom mic, and no lighting would be needed for this since it was so bright outside. Normally the gaffer would set up all sorts of lighting with difussion. I checked through the view finder to make sure everything looks good. It's really bright and the film is getting over exposed so I close the iris on the lense a bit.

So, I got behind the camera with my headphones on, totally pumped by the way. The first assistant director shouts out "roll sound!" Then he shouts again "roll camera!" I start rolling film and yell out "camera rolling! Speed!" The director waits a moment and then calls "action!"

The next thing I know, and for the next couple of hours, I am running, ducking, and covering trying to get the best possible shots during this awesome and action packed scene.

We wrapped on the paintball scene and took another break for dinner.

We got back together that night to begin filming a scene which takes place in the student center. As far as lighting goes, this was the most complex scene by far. There were lighting rigs and par cams everywhere. But it really paid off because when we were watching dailies, the shots really looked amazing!

We wrapped on this set and called it the end of a very long day. That was last week, we got several scenes in the bag. And we are only about one eighth of the way through this film.

Stay tuned. ^_^

IMPACT

I had a dream.

Danielle and I are at the ocean. It's late. Real late. We spent the day here, having fun, doing whatever it is that friends do. Anyway.

While leaving, she decides she wants to go look at the shore one last time. So we do. We get into her car and drive over to the dock to get that last look.

As we approach the dock, something happens. She gasps. "Oh God!" she cries. We can't stop. "Are the brakes out?" The car just keeps speeding up, speeding toward the dock. "Hit the brakes!" She starts screaming, slamming on the brakes in futility. We're on the dock now, racing closer and closer to the edge.

This is not going to end well.

I tell her, we're going to be fine, "Danielle look at me... we're going to be fine."

A promise.

"Okay" she says.

She's my friend, I can't let her down. The car is rattling over the wooden planks of the dock. I can't help but wonder if this dock was designed for cars to be on it. Or for that matter, was this car designed to speed over a wooden dock, toward tragedy? Never mind.

The edge is coming. It's coming fast. There's no escaping it now. I try to keep my cool. Suddenly my instincts kick in. Get ready. I put my foot up on the dashboard. Brace yourself. I stretch my arm across her chest and grab her seat belt to protect her from flying forward. She grabs my hand and I take a breath. Liftoff.

The feeling of weightlessness grips me for a moment. We are free falling off the edge of the incredibly high dock. That sick, heavy feeling you get on a roller coaster. The dark roaring ocean is right below us, getting closer and closer. The waves glisten in the moon light, preparing to devour us. The moment seems to last forever. Floating, frozen in time. She looks over at me. I can see a mix of fear and trust on her face.

"It's okay" I whisper. For a moment, it's quiet. Almost peaceful.

Brace for impact.

Crashing, violent and horrible. We lunge forward from the incredible force. The sharp shrieking sound of bending steel and breaking glass. Everything that was once in the back of the car flies soaring past our heads, cracking the wind shield. I hold on to her firmly, I'm not going to break my promise. I hold on with all my might. The force of the impact seems endless.

I imagine this is what everyone who has ever been in a horrible accident must have felt like.

Danielle is screaming. The warmth of blood streams down my forehead. I look over at her, she is comforted briefly by my composure. The warmth is contrasted by the sudden rush of freezing cold water now pouring in through the cracked wind shield. She is gasping for air, panic has set in. Tears streaming down her face.

Now the rage of the impact has subsided, look out the window and realize - we are sinking very quickly. We are now completely under water, and the surface is getting further and further away. I think how funny it is that I am now longing for the surface, where as only seconds earlier I had been dreading it's arrival.

I must act quickly. Keep your cool.

"I need you to listen to me. We're gonna have to swim now."

"Okay."

"We're gonna open these windows, and it's gonna be cold. Really cold."

"Okay."

"I need you to trust me."

"I do."

"You can do it, I know you can." She is in shock, she peers over at me and nods her head.

I reach down to undo her seat belt before mine. The water is now up to our knees. I undo mine. I say "on the count of three I want you to take the deepest breath you've ever taken and roll down your window." We're gonna be fine.

One. Two. Here we go. Three.

I pull in air until it hurts. Then I pull in some more. We look at each other for a moment, and then begin rolling the windows down.

We are instantly covered in water cold as ice. Within seconds, the entire car is flooded. I look at her, and point to my window. I guide her up, over my lap, and through my window. It's getting darker, and everything is upside down and backwards. Down is up, left is right, in is out. Once I know she is safely out, I climb out and race for the dim glow that I can only imagine must be the surface.

I grab her hand, and we swim together. A feeling of hope sweeps over us both. We're going to make it. We're going to make it. Here we go.

Strange, we should be at the surface by now. Why haven't we surfaced yet? Oh no. We are farther down than I thought. My lungs are beginning to burn. I must keep going. Just keep swimming. Swim through the burn. Don't black out.

Several feet from the surface, I grab her hand and push her ahead of me. I have to make sure she gets to the surface, no matter what happens to me. She's my friend. Her feet pass my head, and I give her one final push. I watch her soar to the surface, swimming faster than me. The freezing water is slowing me down. The icy bath makes my muscles lock up. I can't die down here. I look up to see how far hope is. I can see she's made it. She's safe.

Alright, my turn. Get ready to breathe, almost there. Don't give up now old man. There's the light. Almost there. My fingers feel her hand as she's grabbing for me. Trying to find me in the black water. The cold blast of night air sweeps across my hair and face. I'm out. Once again, I breathe until it hurts. We're safe.

"Are you okay?" She's crying. "Yes! Oh my God! Thank you! I thought you were dead!"

We both look up and see the dock towering over us, at least thirty feet. And again, we look down. We can vaguely make out the glow of the headlights of her car, sinking endlessly into the blackness.

I look at her, and she looks at me. I have kept my promise, we are okay. I can't believe we're alive.

I take her by the hand and swim for the shore. We are both shaking from the freezing water and air. We crawl up onto the sand and stretch out. We just try to breathe. She turns over, shaken, but alive. I pull myself up, and we sit there quietly on the sand - looking out onto the ocean. The night is perfectly quiet except for the crashing waves. The moon is gigantic tonight.

I say "Well, at least we got that last look."

She laughs and says "yeah."

"One hell of a view."

ONCE MORE UNTO THE BREACH, DEAR FRIENDS

Today was the first day of class.

I had Greek III. I was the only person in the class. Colin will be joining me on Friday. Chapel was really great. We finally have a campus pastor again. For this, I am grateful. Finally, a consistent voice. After chapel was my Church History class. Again, Dr. Shaw. One of my fondest mentors. I am in that class with Ryan and Colin. I am going to enjoy that class very much.

A few days ago I went to dinner at Chili's. While there, I filled out an application. Five minutes later I was interviewed. Two minutes after that, I was hired. Thirty minutes later, I was working. Five hours later, I was off work. By the way, I work at Chili's now. I wash dishes. The money is good.

Looks like I'm growing up. I suppose it was inevitable. I'm staying up on all my homework and studying. I'm feeling really good about everything.

I am grateful for my friend Danielle. She goes to NSU now. We talk a few times a week. It's a nice getaway from the stress here. She's one of the best friends I've had over the years. We've been through much. I am lucky to know her.

I guess I should go, I have an assignment to work on. Go me. I just got through cleaning the apartment. Cleaning makes me happy. Sometimes.

Oh yeah, I cut my hair and beard. Sorry everyone.

Here's one of my favorite pieces of Shakespeare. It's from Henry V, Act III, Scene I.

"Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;
Or close the wall up with our English dead.
In peace there's nothing so becomes a man
As modest stillness and humility:
But when the blast of war blows in our ears,
Then imitate the action of the tiger;
Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood,
Disguise fair nature with hard-favour'd rage;
Then lend the eye a terrible aspect;
Let pry through the portage of the head
Like the brass cannon; let the brow o'erwhelm it
As fearfully as doth a galled rock
O'erhang and jutty his confounded base,
Swill'd with the wild and wasteful ocean.
Now set the teeth and stretch the nostril wide,
Hold hard the breath and bend up every spirit
To his full height. On, on, you noblest English.
Whose blood is fet from fathers of war-proof!
Fathers that, like so many Alexanders,
Have in these parts from morn till even fought
And sheathed their swords for lack of argument:
Dishonour not your mothers; now attest
That those whom you call'd fathers did beget you.
Be copy now to men of grosser blood,
And teach them how to war. And you, good yeoman,
Whose limbs were made in England, show us here
The mettle of your pasture; let us swear
That you are worth your breeding; which I doubt not;
For there is none of you so mean and base,
That hath not noble lustre in your eyes.
I see you stand like greyhounds in the slips,
Straining upon the start. The game's afoot:
Follow your spirit, and upon this charge
Cry 'God for Harry, England, and Saint George!'"

IT BEGINS

I haven't trimmed my beard in four months. Nor my hair. I decided a few weeks ago that I'm going to let both grow throughout the winter. So, by the time I cut either, it will have been about a year.

Tonight, I went in the bathroom. I looked in the mirror. There, nested in my beard, was a piece of popcorn. And so begins the great beard adventure.

ONE LAST CHANCE

Met you overseas and
bought you coffee on the beach.
Held you in the rain,
what's the chance we'd ever meet
in this movie magic way?

One hundredth floor, a breakfast for two
glowing in stars and candle light.
We laugh and talk till the sunrise
I guess I'll just have to miss my flight.
And we don't care who knows.

One last chance to say goodbye.
One last chance to see your eyes.

Walking hand in hand down
streets where poets dream of how
life might be so far away
but they can't see what I see now.
The poem that's in our hearts.

Our dance is slow the air pulls us in
music fills the cold midnight.
Our troubles are gone and world's standing still.
Now we know time is on our side.
Lost in this moment in your eyes.
How could this moment become goodbye?

One last chance to say goodbye.
One last chance to see your eyes.

© Dan Quiroz 2007

LOSE CONTROL

I spent so much time pimping out my heart for free.
I thought I'd figured it out, I was so complete.

But now that I know
how my story ends
what will I have to show
for all this wasted time?

Say that I am good enough, I'll take your word and never let it go.
If I try to hard to understand, then I'll give up, but never lose control.

Take a look deep inside and find out where life starts and ends.
Then begin to realize that someday everything will burn.

It's only when
you've lost everything
you can begin
to do anything.

Say that I am good enough, I'll take your word and never let it go.
If I try to hard to understand, then I'll give up, but never lose control.
The measure of a man today will buy my soul and leave me wanting more.

lose control...
hitting bottom is not enough...
lose control...
hitting bottom was never enough...

© Dan Quiroz 2007

NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE

I'm tired. I think.

I keep yawning. I don't know why. Maybe it's my medications? No. Surely not. More and more, sleep concerns me. It's not that I'm afraid to go to sleep, necessarily. It's just, I wonder what I'm missing out on while I'm unconscious.

If I can just hold out a little longer. I think to myself. Could I stay awake forever?

What happens if I never sleep?

Or what about sleep? Could I sleep forever, and never wake up? There is, honestly, something unsettling about the concept of sleep. Suddenly weak. Unable to keep motor functions running properly. Your eyes are getting heavy and dry. The way you think of a desert as dry. You are compelled, no, drawn to lay down. What function does this serve? Why can't I just stay standing? But you give in. Every time.

And then it happens.

It's comfortable. Really comfortable.

Suddenly the stress of the body, the weight of it, everything is lifted. No matter how hard you fight to keep your consciousness, to keep your free will. You can't. This thing sneaks up on you. Some sort of great violator. Invader. A wolf in sheep's clothing perhaps? You find yourself thinking, less. Much less. Suddenly, you're hardly making a conscious effort to analyze the situation at all. Sinking into oblivion. Into that, deep, warm nothingness. That place children seem to find so easily.

Sleep.

Am I dreaming? What is happening to me as I sleep? How is this ritual helping me regain my functionality? Is there anything I could have done to avoid it? What is my body doing while I am in this place? Or, am I really here? How do I define myself. Am I my body, or am I my consciousness?

So, like I said. The idea of sleep doesn't necessarily frighten me. Not in the way that heights or big fireworks frighten me. Yes, I said fireworks. It frightens me in the way the afterlife frightens me. In the way God frightens me. It's intangible. It's nothing. It's not definable. So what is "it?" We take it for granted, but for most of us, it's the closest thing to a spiritual experience we will have for a while. And the strange thing is, it is something we all have in common. Much like the afterlife, none can avoid - falling asleep. Goodnight.