I'm tired. I think.
I keep yawning. I don't know why. Maybe it's my medications? No. Surely not. More and more, sleep concerns me. It's not that I'm afraid to go to sleep, necessarily. It's just, I wonder what I'm missing out on while I'm unconscious.
If I can just hold out a little longer. I think to myself. Could I stay awake forever?
What happens if I never sleep?
Or what about sleep? Could I sleep forever, and never wake up? There is, honestly, something unsettling about the concept of sleep. Suddenly weak. Unable to keep motor functions running properly. Your eyes are getting heavy and dry. The way you think of a desert as dry. You are compelled, no, drawn to lay down. What function does this serve? Why can't I just stay standing? But you give in. Every time.
And then it happens.
It's comfortable. Really comfortable.
Suddenly the stress of the body, the weight of it, everything is lifted. No matter how hard you fight to keep your consciousness, to keep your free will. You can't. This thing sneaks up on you. Some sort of great violator. Invader. A wolf in sheep's clothing perhaps? You find yourself thinking, less. Much less. Suddenly, you're hardly making a conscious effort to analyze the situation at all. Sinking into oblivion. Into that, deep, warm nothingness. That place children seem to find so easily.
Sleep.
Am I dreaming? What is happening to me as I sleep? How is this ritual helping me regain my functionality? Is there anything I could have done to avoid it? What is my body doing while I am in this place? Or, am I really here? How do I define myself. Am I my body, or am I my consciousness?
So, like I said. The idea of sleep doesn't necessarily frighten me. Not in the way that heights or big fireworks frighten me. Yes, I said fireworks. It frightens me in the way the afterlife frightens me. In the way God frightens me. It's intangible. It's nothing. It's not definable. So what is "it?" We take it for granted, but for most of us, it's the closest thing to a spiritual experience we will have for a while. And the strange thing is, it is something we all have in common. Much like the afterlife, none can avoid - falling asleep. Goodnight.
I keep yawning. I don't know why. Maybe it's my medications? No. Surely not. More and more, sleep concerns me. It's not that I'm afraid to go to sleep, necessarily. It's just, I wonder what I'm missing out on while I'm unconscious.
If I can just hold out a little longer. I think to myself. Could I stay awake forever?
What happens if I never sleep?
Or what about sleep? Could I sleep forever, and never wake up? There is, honestly, something unsettling about the concept of sleep. Suddenly weak. Unable to keep motor functions running properly. Your eyes are getting heavy and dry. The way you think of a desert as dry. You are compelled, no, drawn to lay down. What function does this serve? Why can't I just stay standing? But you give in. Every time.
And then it happens.
It's comfortable. Really comfortable.
Suddenly the stress of the body, the weight of it, everything is lifted. No matter how hard you fight to keep your consciousness, to keep your free will. You can't. This thing sneaks up on you. Some sort of great violator. Invader. A wolf in sheep's clothing perhaps? You find yourself thinking, less. Much less. Suddenly, you're hardly making a conscious effort to analyze the situation at all. Sinking into oblivion. Into that, deep, warm nothingness. That place children seem to find so easily.
Sleep.
Am I dreaming? What is happening to me as I sleep? How is this ritual helping me regain my functionality? Is there anything I could have done to avoid it? What is my body doing while I am in this place? Or, am I really here? How do I define myself. Am I my body, or am I my consciousness?
So, like I said. The idea of sleep doesn't necessarily frighten me. Not in the way that heights or big fireworks frighten me. Yes, I said fireworks. It frightens me in the way the afterlife frightens me. In the way God frightens me. It's intangible. It's nothing. It's not definable. So what is "it?" We take it for granted, but for most of us, it's the closest thing to a spiritual experience we will have for a while. And the strange thing is, it is something we all have in common. Much like the afterlife, none can avoid - falling asleep. Goodnight.
4 comments:
Deep Shit Bro, U almost make me wanna go to sleep lol
keep it up, mayb start a book or somethin bro, u could make it big
You always seem to think about stuff other people take for granted and don't really care to think about. That's one of many reasons I like you...We could talk about crazy abstract things like this on a late night trying to stay awake..But if we really tried i think we could fight sleep a lil bit longer...THe only sleep we most definitly can't fight is death and we have no Idea when that will come and creep up on us...but if you can't keep your eyes open I say die with an open mind.
Wow! Sometimes it really does scare me how alike you and I are. As I was reading this I had to stop for a moment and make sure I didn't write it. I wish we could go without sleep. I don't understand it. I used to long for sleep, to sleep away the day. Back in my depression sleep was the only outlet that really let me escape from my darkness. It's kind of an irony that a dreamless, black void allowed me to escape a life that was just as black (in my sight). Sleep is a spiritual experience. What goes on? I can't answer that. All I do know is that sleep is both a blessing and a curse. Funny how that tends to be true about most things. Sleep...what a profound, confusing, mysterious little thing. Will we ever fully understand what it is about?
Wow. Interesting blog! It is crazy how we all have to have it..I've thought about that before..but not really about WHAT is our body doing that is supposedly refreshing us, just because we go out? Its really weird.
This is kind of like Dakotah said, but when I had OCD really bad and when it first started and I couldn't control anything I thought, and my brain was out of control, it seemed like sleep was the only thing that kept my mind at peace. I would fall asleep at 8:00 pm because my mind was too crazy to think that anything else would be better...
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